I started this post over a week ago, thinking I would give a more detailed report of the last week.
I have found that I can’t give it much thought at this time.
Our Christmas season has had some unexpected turns.
The short version is this. My wife and I were expecting our second child. At just over 19 weeks we went to the ultrasound which was to determine the gender of the baby.
We received news at that time, that our child was already in Heaven. Not that our doctor thought our child was in heaven – as he tried to comfort us with talk of bad luck and cosmic rays. His delusion – and I wasn’t in the frame of mind to set him straight. All I could say was "There is a God, and He is sovereign." Smart as he was, the doctor seemed clueless on those 2 points.
We spent the next 2 days at the hospital grieving and waiting for our child to be delivered. We were overwhelmed by the love and support from our church and other friends.
We chose to induce the delivery, so that we would be able to see our baby, and hold our baby. 1:25 am of the second day, Friday Dec. 12, she delivered a 10 oz 10.5” baby boy. We named him Ezekiel, which means “God Strengthens.” He most certainly has.
We arranged and held a funeral which was attended by many of our friends and family. His body now lies in a cemetery in Concord, CA. But, we know that he is actually more alive than ever in the presence of our Good God.
I have avoided the obvious question of “why.” I don’t know why. In the grand scheme of things, my experience is actually minor compared to the sorrow of so many. That doesn’t help me any though. The only thing that really helps, is the consolation, that someday I will meet and shake hands with the man that is my son. He will walk me through the gardens and mountains of a new home. He may even be the one to re-introduce me to other loved ones who have been there long before him.
I have the assurance that in Christ, all are made alive.
It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow. Lots of talk about a baby named Jesus right around now. For the record, He didn’t stay a baby. He lived a life not unlike ours. Political upheaval, religious intolerance, just making ends meet. The difference was, He didn’t have to be here. He chose a birth canal as His entrance into the world He had created. He lived with pain and the frustrations of life knowing that on a divinely predetermined day, he would be executed for “crimes” he never committed.
That was the only way. That was the key that unlocked eternity. A key shaped like a cross.
Not everyone enters eternity with the confident expectation of eternal peace and joy. Jesus offers that as a free gift.
Do I fully understand it – No. Do I believe it – Yes.
This is Mom---thinking again. What a thrill to my heart to read of your submission to your Heavenly Father’s plan for Ezekiel and for you. I could not help but contrast two things. I hope I can adequately express the thoughts threading through my mind. During Ezekiel’s short time on this earth, which is all the longer God ever intended for him to be here, he accomplished all that God had for him to accomplish. How and what is beyond our human comprehension, but he fulfilled the plan God had for him.
ReplyDeleteAs you alluded to, another Son came long ago and fulfilled His Father’s plan for Him, which was dying a death, also beyond our comprehension, on the cross for us. It says in Isaiah 53, two phrases, which stand out---it pleased the Lord to bruise him and He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied. The Father, God, was pleased and satisfied. The Son fulfilled His days on the earth and accomplished the Father’s mission for Him---dying the death for our sins that we deserved to die, so we could live forever with God.
I see my son, the father of Ezekiel, pleased and satisfied. I know my son grieves and would long to have his son, yet he sees the “big picture”---Ezekiel accomplished his mission, short though it was, and he gives glory to the God of all the earth, Who gives and takes life at His pleasure, because that God is sovereign and loves us with a love we cannot comprehend. This earth is not all there is----there is eternity and we definitely cannot comprehend how all this will unfold in the context of eternity.
I dare say, that it pleased and satisfied the Heavenly Father to see the travail and sadness of my son’s soul, for by that, he has opportunity to reach many and point them to the One who died for them that they might have eternal life. It is the suffering that makes strong and leaves us clinging closely to the One Who understands all suffering.
2 Corinthians 4:6 (KJV) For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
I love you, Son, and I too look forward to the day when I shall look into the eyes and hold the hand of my grandson.
Love and prayer,
Mama